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Geurilla778
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Name: Alex
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Birthday: 6/27/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: any thing and every thing; evil and humane. Because you need both for one to exist
Expertise: electronics, massage, giving construtive advice on anything anyone asks of me, cunnilings, drinking anything lol, listening, discussing, having fun... maybe, driving a tank --that would be my truck, that thing is freakin' huge--, chillin', running, target shooting, teaching people how to shoot, singing
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  geurilla778
Member Since:
10/24/2004
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| The Circus of Life.
Come one come
all! Open for the limited time of the rest of your
life!
The Emotional roller
coaster!
Garrenteed to never
be the same at any moment! It is one of the few things that you have
both the ability to control and the complete ineptitude of not knowing
where it leads!
Also your analisys of it is abble to drop you
from your climb!
Every Trip for every person is
different!
The
Contemplation of God.
As
odd as it may seem while i was siting in the parking lot of the Deer
Valley 30 Complex waiting while listening to Marylin Manson, something
very odd caught my eye. There was this light on the ground kinda sorta
below one of the light poles yet it was at an angle that there would
have to be at least 2 mirrors in the perfect position to get it
there... but that was not was not what caught my eye it was, more or
less, pulsing. It got brighter and brighter yet had a sence of, for
lack of a better word, a heartbeat. it was not like going from low
beams to high beams it was like a slow dimmer switch. as the light got
brighter it got darker everywere else.
Is the esence of god
retreating from the darkness of this world or was i just
hallucenating?
i dunno....
--see
above--
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| now just remember kids, smile when you pull the trigger otherwise it is all your fault
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| It seems like everytime I write a blog-ity thing it is about oh what to
do. I know but i don't care. Human society are not known for our
highs but rather our trials, tribulations, and hardships. I am not
dieing nor i any one I know going to die... I am for the first time
afraid... afraid of letting my self down... of failing, not in shool
but rather in life. I know how dire,failing in life.
I have no
idea what I am doing and I no longer feel as though I know what I want
to do, not as a job or career, but living. I useed to have an idea of
how i wanted to live and how i wanted to die... dark I know but it was
my slice of heaven. I know that some may dissagree with me but IO
wanted to get married and spend the rest of my life with her. Now I
know that I am niave but my view of marrige is not the whole I am the
king of my xcastle or more recently "Go get me a sandwitch, bitch!"
mentality. I seek intamacy. I do not mean intamacy as in sexual
intercourse I mean it as freedom. Freedom to share yourself fully not
necceceraly in body but in mind and soul. I have always believed that
the sharing of mind to be a greater gift than the sharing of flesh. To
be able to share ones mind openly and freely is a greater sacrafice
than the sharing of phisical pleasures.
I now know that I am too
much of a coward to make it to that point. i have come so close yet I
am afraid of the chance that when I step over that line there will be
nothing but an abyss which I was to blind to see. I have come to the
realization that I may never be able to make that step for I feel that
I will miss the stepping stone in the water and sink that relationship
that I am so deathly afraid to lose.
I have only felt similar
to this once before... I was unable to make the step but was pulled
into the water only to find that I would not drown but rather to find
it up to my knees... I was in that pool for five years. Eventhough what
I feel now is larger than what I felt before I am still afraid.
Why do I fear what could be or couldn't be?
Why does one step, one move, one question evoke more fear on me than death?
Why do I want it so?
Why do I fucking care so much?
Why can I not be happy with what I have and leave it alone? | | |
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humor me
I have noticed something... dagerous I know. I
need to find some friends that don't sound like they are humoring me.
I have only one maybe two friends that I still talk to that I don't get
that impression from. Actualy I think I just need to find some friends.
sad I know. | | |
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sorry
but i just got off of pretty mych a double at work after 3 hours of
sleep and now i am at school and really tired. I don't know why but i
have to tell someone about, as you probly guessed from the title, a
crazy homelss person i saw on the way to school. I was stopped at the
light at the corner of 59th and cactus. i had my windows down for
whatever reason the radio went silent for about a sec and what do i
hear? one hell of a fight. i look over and see this, you guessed it,
crazy homeless person arguing with a bus stop sign. He accussed it of
stealling his dog witch, i am assuming, he tied it to. I think the best
part of it was the dog. It had a couple of subway sandwich bags filled
with the guys "possesions", i think, tied to it like a pack mule. you
know one on each side. Now i don't know if it really was this funny or
just really sad and i am just really tired but i don't think i have
laughed that hard ever. I am still giggling... a little, and it was
over an hour ago. | | |
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